Take the National Express

After two 9hr bus journeys back and forth to Norfolk, I think I am suitably qualified to announce the Top Ten Annoyances on the Bus:

1. Smelly people within your scent radius
   
2. Loud people, especially those talking on mobiles or playing with their ringtones
   
3. People who come and sit right next to you, even though there are plenty of other seats free
4. People with smelly food within your scent radius; Prawn Cocktail crisps, burgers etc
5. Crap dance music leaking out of earphones
   
6. Couples making out (slurp, slurp)
7. Crying babies
   
8. Children sitting in front of you who just stare at you the whole journey
9. Drunks
10. Teenage girls, all singing Mariah style to current pop ballads

But if only all buses were like this ...

Hero or Zero?

Its all good stuff at the moment (except for the money thing, but we're not thinking about right now). Spring has come to Devon and it is beautiful and happy and full of warm sunshine and daffodils. I am in my easter holidays at the moment and have been having a spring clean, which is boring but an absolute necessity after a damp winter in a cottage.

I have been on 6 Music again, I can't keep away! This time on a daily quiz called Heroes or Zeroes on Vic McGlynn's show at 2.15. I did rather well too, so I might go through to the ehad to head on Friday to win a pile of CDs. You can listen to me again if you like. The link is here, and if you go to the right hand side of the page you can click to listen again to Tuesday. You'll need to go forward for 1 hr and 20 mins and there you can find me.

Enjoy!

Aurifex (sponsored by Lockheed Martin)

Succesfully Changing Regimes in Oil Based Countries Since 2001

Crufts, what a weekend hey? Anyone? No, I didn't think so. With the exception of Opie who doesn't own a TV, I doubt anyone else would have bothered to watch any of Crufts. Well the highlights were...

A proper dog winning for a change, rather than some rat sized, fluffed up, baby replacement, ball of hair. This year's winner was an Australian Shepherd Dog named Chance, like this one.

Ben Fogle, the wettest man to ever have rowed that Atlantic (and that's quite an achievement), going all soppy over dogs.

And best of all was Tom's very funny complaint e-mail to the BBC which I have presented below, for your pleasure. As for the worst thing about Crufts, the less said about the weird woman who dances with dogs, the better.

>{Programme Name:} Crufts 2006
>{Transmission Date:}09 - 03 - 06

I cannot believe what I have just heard come out of Ben Fogle's mouth - "Crufts 2006, supported by Pedigree" - Should I cancel my licence fee now, as the advertising revenue must be rolling in?
I would honestly rather have heard him say "here's the f*cking pastoral group" before the watershed, than giving further free promotion to big business such as the Pedigree/ Mars corporate machine.
What next? The six o'clock news, kindly supported by cup-a-soup? Balamory brought to life by Philip Morris?
Please stop this.

________________________________________

Dear Mr Tom

Thank you for your e-mail regarding 'Crufts 2006'.

I understand that you are unhappy that Ben Fogle said that the event was supported by Pedigree as you felt this was advertising.

The BBC seeks to credit fairly the enabling role played by event sponsors. It is essential that any credits make it clear that it is the event that has been sponsored and not the programme. All decisions on credits rest with the BBC. There should normally be a maximum of two verbal credits for the overall event sponsor and they should be delivered in a non-promotional style. When coverage lasts for many hours, the Head of Department will decide on appropriate verbal credits.

Please be assured that I have registered your comments in relation to this issue on our audience log. This is an internal document which will then be made available to members of senior management. Styles and policies are continually reassessed according to feedback we receive from our viewers.

Thank you again for contacting the BBC.

Regards

BBC Information

The daily grind

I have been busy, busy, busy since my last posting, and not in a good way. There's something a bit iffy about this uni business, you see I thought that the deal was that you paid your fees, and in return you got a bit of paper saying 2:1 or whatever and inbetween you just larked around being ironic and having 'deep' conversations about how you can feel Jimmy Hendrix's music, when off your mash on hashish. But oh no, somebody lied to me. It transpires that you do in fact have to do a lot of hard f-king work, and produce essays at the same rate as Phillipino women produce trainers. Once you've shat out some crap about how politics is an art rather than a science, you're expected to pop one out about Marxism or Neo-Marxism or Post-Marxism or Some-bloke-in-the-street's-opinion-on-Marxism. The whole thing is a big fat conspiracy, designed to keep middle class youngsters off the streets.